Do you think these women would be my friends if they were any of those things?
No.
For anonymity's sake, I will call one friend "Jane". Her husband has for years not understood her, has not even tried. He has never attempted to sympathize by word or action the abuse she endured growing up. He only continued to compound it by pushing for more than she could give. So, unable or unwilling to face his own inadequacies, he blames her for everything wrong in their marriage. Lack of passion, lack of compassion, lack of friendship in their union. So he is determined to destroy her life.
He scathingly mentions her name and her "sins" to anyone who will listen. Of course, their children will listen. And, because Jane lives in a Small Town, others listen too. His claims I won't repeat. I won't hurt her that way to repeat them...plus, I'm saving them for the lawyer, if need be. They are lies--or twisted truth. Same thing.
But others listen, and her children believe their father, and they keep her grandchildren from her. You see, this marriage isn't new, but decades old. No affection is left, only contempt.
My friend is strong, but her patience is waning....
My friends call me, and I listen and struggle not to cry. What can I do? Light a candle and say a prayer.
My other friend, Stephanie, finally fought against her husband's nudges and not-so-veiled comments about her weight, her eating habits, even her reading choices. She shares nothing with him. She raises Morgans like we do, enjoys reading, writing, her children. He bowls, plays video games, and abhors her horses. (I told her that should have been her *first* clue against him! ) He has not attempted to be a part of her life, and she doesn't want him in hers because of his criticisms. I don't blame her. He accuses her of putting her horses's needs before her children's. He doesn't understand the incredible bond between a horse and his rider--and probably doesn't want to. Animals, to him, are nothing more than commodities. Good only for what they can give to him. He doesn't understand that their compassion is priceless. He also doesn't understand the unbreakable love of a mother for her children.
Listening to my friends, I thank the heavens (and Doug) that I have such a wonderful husband who puts up with my idiosyncrasies and failings. He treats me and our children as though we are his world--and I know we are. Doug, against our wishes, puts our desires ahead of his own. Unselfish and loving to us as we go through our lives. That's what this blog is about--our life and my writings and raising a family in a Small Town.
***Dates, details and names have and will be changed for protection and anonymity
I used to have little compassion for those who stay in bad relationships until I stayed for far to long in one of my own. Now I understand the unfaltering hope that defies logic and sence or fear of the unknown should we do what we know is right.
ReplyDeleteAs far as living in a small town, I grew up in a place that WAS small because everyone knew everyone in the neighborhood and yet, being "suberbia" wa part of something much larger. (it is unfortunate that developements ripped out everything that tied neighborhoods together and now that place is just "suberbia"). I have worked in "the big city" and it simply makes me nervous with its apathy and annonimity. I lived in a "small town" far from home where the culture and values were very different from my own and concider that time in my life a living hell.
Now I live in a "small town" near where I have always lived. It is small because geographical features demand it. I've been here since 2001 and at first, I lived to move elsewhere, but as time went on and I have become a part of the community, I feel connected and concerned about its future. People I do not even recognise call me by name and most know who I am even if they do not know my name. In the city if you were to start a conversation with a stranger, it would tend to be short as they would either try to ignore you or straight out tell you to mind our business, but here, I often end up in drawn out conversations on any number of topics with folks I may or may not have ever me before.
It really depends on the person, there is the excitement and convenience of everything you could ever want on the same block you live in the big city, but I prefer a small town where everybody is somebody (but like a bad relationship you've gotta know whe it is time to go).